I´m moving on

For many years life for me has been a struggle. I have been mostly unhappy. 
This is not something I would let anyone know. I thought I had a loving relationship and I worked hard to try to keep it. 
I always thought I had to work harder. 
I have on the surface had everything I thought I wanted with life in general.
I worked with the type of creative things I have dreamed of. 
I had everything I thought would make me happy. 
The thing is though....I was truly unhappy most of the time.  

What I thought would make me happy was : 

A relationship  

Friends and family that love me

A good creative job

A beautiful house with a garden overlooking a lake

A creative studio in the cool part of town

I had all of this but I was never happy. 
I  kept a brave face and showed everyone the happy smile that I wanted them to see. 

A few times I would let my close friends know how unhappy I was. When I saw their concerned faces I always regretted it. So I stuck to my clip on smile.

After years of sleepless nights, 
I  decided to leave my loveless relationship and stand up for love. If you can not stand up for your love and say : this is the man I love in Sweden 2012 you will never be able to do it. 
I know now that I can not share my life with someone that can not introduce me to their parents, family and friends and be proud of me. 

I want to tell the world of the man I love and share my life with my family and loved ones that respect me for who I am.

2012 in Sweden, even though there are still politicians and other scary trash citizens that seem uneducated and without humanity, we have a society that understands that love and relationships happen between people, 
not just some people. 
We have in Sweden a society that for the most part understands that : 
All pigs are created equal and not the revised version : 
that some pigs are more equal that others.

Sadly there are religious believes that has not yet understood that LOVE is always LOVE. 

If someone treats you bad or unkind or just make fun of you because you do not live after the hetero normative definition, 
Don´t let yourself be put down. 
This is PRIDE to me. 
Pride is not just a festival ones a year, 
it´s a way of living your life. 

Believing in this I a let my former work know that I felt descriminated against, which got more attention than I could ever had expected. 

When I had thought about the former job at the tv show I worked with for years where I not felt appreciated for my creativity at a job that is a all about creativity and negatively compared to the famous and not so accomplished on your workforce and you always come in last although you work your ass off you are better off somewhere else. 
I sure was.

So I sold the house, sold the studio and all of the huge furniture I felt I had no need for and put the rest up in storage and went looking for real love. 
I went looking for work that I love doing and a workplace that 
appreciate me and my knowledge and creative force.

I let everything go that I felt was not a good vibe for me. 
I let everything go that made me feel bad. 

I kept only what I felt was of love. 

Now....you probably think that I went mad and ..... maybe I did. 

But....when I least expected it 
------I found love. 

I met the MAN I fell in love with that I want to live with, share my whole life with and the man that loves me back. 
The man that is proud of me and want to tell the world of our love. 
Truly - it does not get better than this. 

If all of the bad experiences, depressions and suicidal thoughts I had in my life had to happen so that I could experience this love, -it was all worth it. 

“You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, always like tomorrow, sudden like an inhale and overcoming like the tides. Only one man and all of this.”
C. JoyBell C.

The picture above show my beloved belongings where they are stored. 
Since I now have love, I only work with things I truly believe in and love maybe it´s time to start looking for the perfect place for me and my love. 

No word describes better my feelings for my Francisco than the ones sung in Kärleksvisan in swedish by Sarah Dawn Finer. She has written the song together with the talanted Peter Hallström. I heared this for the first time sitting on the floor under the grand piano at my friends sung by Miss Sarah and I will never forget it. Sarah has a voice that talks to your soul. Thank you for sharing your gift with the world.

Tack för alla motgångar. 
I´m moving on!

Francisco this is for you:

6 kommentarer:

Monica sa...

Thank you sooo much for sharing this with all of us . Beautiful, strong words and soo true. Wish you all the happines in the world . Hugs, Monica

Lisa sa...

Fina du....

Anonym sa...

Tack för att du är så modig och delar med dig! Ibland måste man komma djupt ner för att fatta vad som är viktigt i livet men av varje motgång lär man sig nya saker. Så glad för din skull
och önskar dig och Fransisco allt gott i framtiden!!
Stor kram!

me and alice sa...

Fina Jimmy, önskar er all lycka!
Kram Susanne

Patriks Prylar sa...

Du har alltid varit en inspirationskälla och när jag träffade dig så sa du bland annat att inget var omöjligt.
Något som verkligen stämmer om man bestämmer sig, som du gjorde.
Du var en av de personer som inspirerade mig till att våga starta eget.
Önskar er båda all lycka.
Patrik H

Line sa...

Fint skrivet, direkt från hjärtat....det märks!